Monday, April 03, 2006

The Bill of Rights: New International Version

The Bill of Rights (NIV):

Amendment 1 -
Congress shall not impeach Judges who make law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; nor make any law abridging the freedom of politically correct speech, or press, or any form of immoral, unpatriotic, or distasteful expression, or the right of minorities to violently assemble, and to demand of the government a reimbursement for their ancestor’s grievances.

Amendment 2 -
A well-regulated group of duck hunters being necessary to the appearance of a free state, the right of some people to keep and bear arms shall not be entirely abolished.

Amendment 3 -
No soldier shall, in time of peace, be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, national emergency, or civil unrest, but in a manner to be prescribed by Executive Order; but these restrictions shall not apply to government officers, agents, or hired thugs, in the discharge of their orders.

Amendment 4 -
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be construed to obstruct any government officer, agent or hired thug in the discharge of his/her instructions, but no warrants, when desired, shall issue, but upon potential for possible cause, supported by oath, affirmation, or anonymous tip, and generally describing the region to be searched, and any persons or things not subject to detention or seizure.

Amendment 5 -
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, or the classification or representation of such person as evil by the President or Attorney General, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the National Guard, when in actual service in time of war, public danger, or the declaration of a potential threat by the President; but persons may be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb, or be compelled in a criminal case to be a witness against him/herself, or be deprived of life, liberty or property without due process of law, when the public safety shall require it; and the absence of just compensation shall not prevent private property from being appropriated for public use, when such action may be deemed necessary for the public pleasure or political agenda.

Amendment 6 -
In all criminal prosecutions, if the accused is a minority, he/she shall have the right to a speedy and public trial, by a minority jury of the State or district wherein the crime shall have been committed, unless he/she desires to be tried in another district; and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation against him/her; to have the charges dismissed if his/her rights were not read at the time of arrest; to have assistance in obtaining witnesses in his/her favor, and in prosecuting the officer, agent or hired thug which shall have arrested him/her, and to have the best counsel in the nation for his/her defense; in all other cases, the rights of the accused shall be determined by the Court, unless the accused shall have been classified as evil by the President or Attorney General, or have been charged with any political incorrectness, in which case he/she shall have no rights.

Amendment 7 -
In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed a reasonable amount, the right of trial by jury may be granted, and no fact tried by a jury shall be otherwise re-examined in any court of the United States, unless sufficient financial incentives be provided, or the public safety shall require it.

Amendment 8 -
Excessive bail may be required, and excessive fines imposed, but cruel and unusual punishments shall not be inflicted except in cases of politically incorrect persons.

Amendment 9 -
The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to limit or restrict any powers retained by the government.

Amendment 10 -
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the entity with the most money and power.

Have a nice day!
Echooooooooooooooes